Polyvagal Theory: A Clear Overview for Men
Feeling anxious, shut down, or on edge? Use this map to name your state and reset in minutes. Practical drills and a short plan.
If you feel…
Anxious, flat, or on edge, your nervous system is running the show. Use this map to spot your state and get back to calm.
Summary
• Three core states, what they feel like in real life
• A 60–120 second reset plan for each state
• When to use skills, when to do EMDR
• Examples, plain language, zero fluff
The three states
Ventral, safe and connected. You feel steady, present, and social.
Sympathetic, mobilized. You feel keyed up, pressured, and fast.
Dorsal, shut down. You feel heavy, numb, and checked out.
Quick self-check
Ventral signs
• Normal breath
• Easy eye contact
• Shoulders loose
• Humor returns
• Clear plans feel doable
• Warmth toward partner or kids
Sympathetic signs
• Tight chest
• Jaw clenched
• Fast talking
• Pacing or multitasking
• Irritable, “just push through”
• Scanning for problems
Dorsal signs
• Slow, heavy body
• Low voice or silence
• Eye gaze drops
• Hard to start tasks
• Want to lie down or be alone
• “What’s the point” thoughts
Reset drills, 60–120 seconds
If you are sympathetic
• Long exhale breathing, 4 in, 6 out, through the nose
• Wall push, 3 sets of 10 seconds with slow breath
• Orienting, name 5 things you see, 3 you hear, 1 you feel
If you are dorsal
• Seated marching, 30 to 60 seconds, then stand and reach
• Cold water to cheeks and temples, 15 seconds, towel dry, breathe
• Call or sit beside a safe person for two minutes, few words needed
If you are ventral, keep it
• Box breath, 4-4-4-4, one minute
• Micro-connection, send one caring text
• Move your neck and shoulders through full range, slow and smooth
Common mistakes
• Overbreathing and getting lightheaded
• White-knuckling through a shut-down day
• Withdrawing from people who help you regulate
Case example
A dad notices he snaps at his kids during homework. Jaw tight, breath shallow, pacing. He runs the sympathetic plan for two minutes, then returns and sets a simpler task. He finishes the night connected, not perfect, and books EMDR to target the school-failure memory that keeps fueling these spikes.
FAQ
What’s the fastest way to tell my state?
Check breath, jaw, and pace. Fast and clenched points to sympathetic; heavy and withdrawn points to dorsal.
How often should I practice?
Daily, one to three minutes, two to three times a day.
Can I do this with my partner or kids?
Yes. Sit closer, slow your breath together, speak softer.